Living Small – Part I
Folks who visit our small house tend to either love it or grimace politely. Big guys grimace. Sometimes they poke their heads in and if I can see that they aren’t into it, I say “Uh, ha! Tour’s over!” to give them an out. For grimacers, it’s more like a cool fort. Women tend to gush and fantasize out loud about not being a slave to a house.
We decided to take the leap when Steve started nursing school and the kids were mostly out. Steve is an EMT, too, so emergency calls of “HURRY! ANOTHER SOMEONE MIGHT DIE” come across the radio a lot, and we kept thinking we wanted to LIVE…so decided to move.
We made a lot of fun memories at our modern Ross Lane house. Comfy as heck, big, a challenge to keep clean, expensive – the pics are great though! Of prom dates and lots of team dinners, and of our proportionately huge dog. It was easy for teens to sneak out at night, too (what?!?), and back in, come to think of it, like the time Jimmy Chaffee didn’t want to sleep on the neighbor kid’s sofa so he came in the side door and slept in our guest room.
But the Big House felt like jail sometimes, except after 75% of our kids moved out taking their friends with them, and Steve left to the mainland for nursing school. At that point it felt like a morgue. Isaac and I bounced around in there, hid out in the master bedroom, ate dinner on the bed and watched TV at night. We kept it staged for showings, like prisoners in a vacation rental. We were pretty sad, honestly, and poor Steve, he’d come home to a decent amount of stress and sorrow because the house WOULD. NOT. SELL.
Exhausted by my big house life, I had to mentally change course. Steve lived happily on the mainland four nights a week in a rented room furnished with a mat and a pillow. How does he do it? My sister had just finished Marie Kondo’s book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” so I read it and did what it said – got rid of tons of stuff and the stuff that dead loved ones left us. Then the house sold.
The day before closing I sat crying in the garage full of Big House Stuff, praying that God would send a hoarder, and guess what happened? NOT KIDDING, a dude with a huge truck showed up and took everything! Every bit of paint, wire, skis, boxes of spackle, wood – EVERYTHING. And he was so happy! Me – happier! We left GOBS OF NICE STUFF for the buyer, including antiques and Halloween decorations, a BONANZA.
The spiritual burden of random BELONGINGS is immense. Truly, when I buy or get stuff I don’t want that thing, but the feeling that I’ve assigned to it. So when I’d buy a five-pack of spatulas on sale I wanted to feel like I beat the money system, not to get five spatulas. A lot of reflection + Marie Kondo’s method taught me the framework for keeping only the things that actually bring joy, which in turn bring meaning to life and its setting. Now, every last thing we own brings its share of joy, including mundane things like lipgloss (Forever21, the Best!), forks (started to use the good stuff), rugs, art, boots, rakes – everything. I had to give up notions of value (largely perceived), like that of my dead mom’s luncheon plates.
I hope you’ll stay tuned for Part II next week, which will offer the practical parts of living in a small house and a bunch more photos! Love ya, Win
This post has 42 comments
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Michelle
7 Apr 2019❤️ can’t wait for part 2
Winnie
7 Apr 2019Thank you Michelle!
Kiwi
7 Apr 2019Love it.
Winnie
8 Apr 2019🙂
kathy morris
7 Apr 2019I want to come visit!!
Winnie
7 Apr 2019Please! Always room for you! 😉
Curt
7 Apr 2019Well said, Winnie. A lesson we should all accept.
Winnie
7 Apr 2019Thanks, Curt!
Chris
7 Apr 2019So thoughtful. Anna and I sometimes muse about our future in our house when the kids are grown. Will we grow old here or retreat to small and simple?
Winnie
7 Apr 2019Thinking of you all a lot lately, hope all is “progressing nicely” – don’t want to blow cover! but sure am hopeful. 😉
mike
7 Apr 2019Hey win, was chopping broccoli, got your email and wanted to say, i appreciate your candor and nice pic of the bay 🙂
best to u always
Winnie
7 Apr 2019Thanks Mike! Stay in touch! wb
Kris Ives
7 Apr 2019Love it! From my tiny cabin to yours!!
Xo
Kris
Winnie
7 Apr 2019I may perish if I don’t see you again soon. Laughing with you = FAVE. ;0)
Ingrid
7 Apr 2019Working on a similar theme…
Busy with my own downsizing journey. Apparently, we are in some sort of Zeitgeist and I have many thoughts about it…for example, in the “after” photos of homes that have been de-cluttered, it always seems like the folks find themselves left with a single gorgeous leather recliner, a thick expensive rug and a large flourishing houseplant. No one seems to downsize to a plastic milk crate and a rusty lawn chair.
But I digress.
I find as I whittle down that so much of what I have collected fed my aspirations, but not my life. I wanted a life filled with kids and relatives, friends and big feasts made in a French Provence-style kitchen. To fuel this aspiration, I owned (and recently donated) a bookcase full of cookbooks and an incredibly beautiful, impossibly heavy assortment of copper pans. Also gone, the iron pot rack to hang from the heavy oak beam of the French country kitchen.
But here’s the thing…I am a single woman with a single grown daughter. I have two relatives, both in their late 70s, both widowed. Not exactly the stuff of enormous family dinners.
Even more to the point…I don’t like to cook. I only aspire to the idea of cooking (same with my yoga practice). But unless someone is actually in need of nutrition and it cannot be acquired by any other means than for me to walk into the kitchen and do something with food, I will be somewhere else doing things that are actually meaningful to me.
And I think it’s like that for a lot of people and the possessions we pile up – exercise and sports equipment, crafts, self-improvement. It’s hard to accept that we may not be the people we aspire to be, so we hold on to the copper pots for decades thinking that our real lives will synch up with our ideal lives.
Winnie
7 Apr 2019AWE! I’m reminded that you should be one of my guest bloggers… Hi Ingrid! Yes, the stories that we attach to things, then the pain/hassle/bummer when the stories don’t come to pass. Lots of luncheon plates and cigarette boxes from my history. We need to “speed therapy” soon (cinnamon rolls prescribed). Love ya! Win
Carol Merrifield
7 Apr 2019Beautiful story! I’m also eager for part 2 of your journey. Our current house is much smaller than the one we had in Seattle, and I’m so grateful. And I love letting go of my stuff that no longer serves me. Today, if I buy something, I think it through! Thank you for sharing this story.
Winnie
7 Apr 2019Hi Carol! Hey everyone, Carol is a fabulous musician (and friend etc), you should JUST HEAR her! Thanks, Carol, heart imoji, Win
Debbie Grimes
7 Apr 2019Thank you for sharing this Winnie!! Looking forward to next week!
Winnie
7 Apr 2019Thank you Debbie! I’d love to see you again sometime, chat it up! 😉
Joan
7 Apr 2019Winnie, I am sure you will get many comments, envious of your change of SIZE of home and belongings…I have what I always thought was a “small home”, but the gift I am giving to my two girls is to DOWNSIZE the amount of STUFF I have been saving for them. They do not live the way we lived back then, and nobody needs to hoard 3 sets of dishes, silver, etc.
I grew up on a 2000 acre ranch, and when my mother died, I was left with the task of sorting through her personal items, and getting rid of what was left that NOBODY in the family wanted…
So GOOD for YOU!!
Winnie
8 Apr 2019Thank you for reading and commenting, Joan. Part II will address just what you describe, a sorting of home and heart. We have had so much death (and delivery of belongings as a result) that the stories of the past and hopes that these things embodied became too much to bear. I hope you will follow along, as the fellowship of friends and fellow travelers is of so much more value than all of those (beautiful) things. Have a great week! Win
Kathryn L Clary
8 Apr 2019Wow, Winnie! I loved your essay … well written and funny, like you! And so many words of wisdom … thank you for sharing!
Kathryn
Winnie
8 Apr 2019Thank you, Kathryn!
Jamie Spafford
8 Apr 2019Hi Winnie,
So glad you included me on your email list. I received LIVING SMALL – Part 1 and loved it; and I soooo love your mindset and home! I have kind of always lived small but with each move in my life (from NY to Mexico to North Carolina, I have continued to go even smaller for all of the reasons you’ve written about. STUFF doesn’t make us happy – it entraps us (my ex was a “stuffologist” – so I got rid of him to0 – haha!).
No seriously, I am now on the brink of going MICRO by selling off EVERYTHING I own, with the exception of my car and just enough clothing to keep me clothed and a very few personal items. Just the thought of doing this gives me a sense of joy and freedom. I will rent a small room “somewhere” (anywhere!), so that I can start traveling internationally once again. I miss it terribly after doing it for so may years for Merrill Lynch International. It was the best education ever. However, this time I won’t be traveling for business but for MYSELF INC. I love meeting new people, living in different cultures and exploring the unknown. Yes, it can be a scary but not doing it only fosters fear and isolation.
Maybe in my travels overseas, I can stop in and see you and Steve. That would be wonderful. And I will bring my tent 🙂 !
Much love and huge hugs to you Winnie, XO Jamie
Winnie
8 Apr 2019Jamie! I will never forget how lovely and helpful you were when I came out to NY to fetch more STUFF from my aunt’s condo. So weird to arrive on Long Island to a home with pictures of all of my loved ones (and me), having rarely seen my aunt. You helped sort through acres of things, and above all I found the slotted spoon of my life! I still have, use, and love it. You’re amazing. Blessings to you, Jamie, in all of your micro travels. Win
Kandace Krein
8 Apr 2019This is lovely, Winnie. Thankyou for sharing. I have always loved getting rid of things. And I have moved ALOT. My belongings were few until I became a mom. MUCH more challenging now to stay organized and only keep what matters. I have always adored your artistic eye. So inspiring!
Winnie
9 Apr 2019Miss you, Kandy! Ooooo, might be a little harder with kids and GEAR. 😉
Po
8 Apr 2019Right behind you win! On my way to community treasures with a load! Still cannot leave my moms China! Love you
Winnie
8 Apr 2019Keep it if you love it! I love you!
Jessica Ray
8 Apr 2019As always, your wit and wisdom combine to make us all stop and think. Letting go is so humbling and living with less is so freeing. Looking forward to Part 2!
Winnie
8 Apr 2019Thanks sista!
Denice
8 Apr 2019Jimmy Chaffee story – priceless. Because your home, big or tiny, has always been so welcoming, Win.❤️
Winnie
8 Apr 2019He said I could blog on him so he’s coming for dinner to blow cover on all the movies (before heading out to fight fires). 😉
Marilyn Goff
8 Apr 2019This brought joy to my soul tonight!!! And Hope! I am starting my cleaning out of all the years process and it is hard for me. Thank you for this Winnie ~ Love it!
Winnie
9 Apr 2019I hate camping but love you, Mar🤓❤️! Ok, maybe in an RV, I love to see your posts out there laughing your heads off in the woods!
Barbara
8 Apr 2019Love this post and so timely. I am feeling the burden of taking care of stuff. It drives me crazy when stuff is broken or deteriorating. When one owns a house and land and a car or two, a lot needs fixing. It feels like life is going from one fix-it project to the next! What’s the point if we are not enjoying it? The point made in your first blog post.
The happiest I’ve been has been living small and traveling, your piece is a powerful reminder.
Keep up the good work!
Winnie
9 Apr 2019Hi Barbara! Yes, what is the point? I think that’s the defining question across the board. I’m glad you mentioned it so succinctly. I hope you’ll journey along with me! The subject might be morphing-stretching-turning into three parts!🤓
Connie Deadman
9 Apr 2019Waiting for the next installment Winnie. So enjoyed this truth. Lives change, circumstances change in one’s life….at this point, it is wonderful to purge. I feel like I am growing up.
Winnie
9 Apr 2019Growing up! Ok if you are, I’ll try…😂❤️
Charlene
14 Apr 2019Winnie, how wonderful to get this from across the years and the miles, and to have this beautiful glimpse into your world. Thank you.
Charlene (Meek) Collison
Winnie
14 Apr 2019Char! Oooo I love you, miss you! What a thrill to hear from you, darling, hugging you in my heart!