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I’ve been working forEVER on a rebrand that was scheduled to launch early this year. I’m SO NERVOUS and STOKED! My goal for 2023 is to do my VERY BEST. This has meant sending labels back to the printer and delaying everything for the PERFECT BOTTLE (pined after since the beginning), ordering what feels like a million of them, reworking the Discovery Set, PLUS two new frags to launch this year (SO SOON! I’LL LET YOU KNOW, LIKE, ONE WEEK!).

Every time I think about launching I freak out, wrestling with Imposter Syndrome: If you understood with whom, exactly, you’re dealing, you might disappear. For example, it appears I have very few qualms about getting a design deal from a country run by a NUT. All the new graphic work was done by a hip designer in the Russian Republic.

So, I decided that, before the legit launch email with photos and a groovy backstage offer, you should know who’s behind The Boathouse. I’m not going to try to sell you on the line, I’m just going to write a few things and hope you’re down:

Positivity won’t change the world: I call it the Postmodern Lie, it’s insidious! “If we just ______, then everything is going to be fine.” But, sorry, it’s not going to be fine. (down here). The pressure to have fun, eat right, don’t smoke, DO smoke, take Ayahuasca/pills/LSD/ to recover from trauma, ward off fat/Alzheimers/depression/age/ZITS; to keep all dogs on leashes 24/7; eat/don’t eat honey, save the bees – is enough to make us eat Lexapro like popcorn (I do). But life is super hard and awesome in SPURTS. Let’s enjoy good spurts with intention, and lean into the difficult ones hard, knowing full well it will pass, even if passing means, well, you or someone you love will soon enough pass. We are visitors here, until our departure. So walk with people through the hard stuff knowing full well that your turn is coming. Take notes, because no matter how many rough edges we buff off of our kids’ Xboxes and owies, no matter how many times we are really, really GOOD, or craft our lives to be the Utmost for His Highest, we suffer. Stop with nonsense about living longer, it’s a bad plan. Maybe go by this: “Everything is permissible, not everything is beneficial.” and call it good.  If this makes you mad, I guess don’t buy my stuff. BTW I told the Russian Federation Designer not to use supermodels on the website, enough already.

I’m an Anti-Fix-the-Environment(alist?): The narrative goes on and ON about global warming and fixing the environment, but it will never happen. How many ice-caps have to melt and lakes dry up and entire islands of plastic form before we agree that we’re going down too fast to stop it? We are for sure going to kill all humans with our well-intended selves, that train left the station a long time ago. Planes will NEVER stop ferrying people around the globe and literally dumping fuel into the oceans; hospitals will NEVER go back to glass and stainless hypodermic needles; people use dish soap  for corn sake; basically every industry will NEVER stop decimating living things to produce and ship products (via air freight) and NEVER stop making cars or tires and oil for same (or batteries for that matter), even if a little autistic girl bobs over here on a sailboat from Sweden (What?! she’s a CHILD). The earth will be fine later, after we are gone. Whatever animals and organisms are left over after we finish decimating everything, after the last person dies of whatever weirdness they’re going to die from, the earth is going to keep doing its thing with no one watching or worrying. GOD’S GOT THIS. No matter how many people glue themselves to museum walls or spray Cheese Whiz on masterpieces, that’s how it’s going down. So, if you don’t like the fact that I think this instead of what the narrative tells me to think, for sure don’t buy my stuff (though I happily gave up my acrylic Warsaw caps for wood ones. I’m not deaf).

WOKE narratives are hypocritical and illogical: Stop it, child, you’re embarrassing yourself. These folks disparage rich people for being rich because they are not rich themselves: “I shall disparage the rich with impunity for being rich AND I want to be rich.” Shower rich-haters with hundies – big newsflash, they’ll pick them ALL up. Enough with this virtue-signaling, self righteous, smugitude : “I can’t tolerate that you do not tolerate me.” and  “I adhere to a subjective moral standard that you should adhere to.” (eye-roll emoji) and “Once we get rid of gay-bashing racists, we’re good to go.” Some behavior is straight-up illegal, that’s not what I’m talking about (read my #metoo blog, I have a huge problem with the likes of Weinstein and Epstein).  But cancelling one of the BEST PERFUMERS WHO EVER LIVED for being a product of his culture and era? And can’t Ellen Degeneres be a b–tch inside of her own company if she owns it? Can’t Ellen-haters go work someplace else? Ok, ok, sorry, I’m ill informed. Maybe you shouldn’t buy my stuff (but the rebrand is SO PRETTY, it really is my best work and the price-point still rocks).

I’m Christian, not PSYCHO:  Which means that even though Washington State is blue like jazz,  I believe that God came to show us the way as a human because we are human and this has ENDURED. I’ve done a LOT of seeking and recovery over the years. At one point I thought my heart was too torn asunder to keep believing, like when you say a word over and over and it loses its meaning. I lived in a constant pitch black, dark night of the soul trying to get it right. So in order to get off the Jesus Freak Train for good I left the church, became infernally lonely, asked myself if I could honestly and finally once and for all claim that Christ is NOT God, and I could not. At which point I figured that it was on HIM to show me who/what/where He is if He wanted me to know, the whole faith gig was His idea anyway, prove yourself (yeah, you can say that to God, and if mine’s a guy what’s that to anybody?).  If you have a hard time with Christianity (I did, trust me), maybe just….I dunno, read the Bible and ask a few questions.

People toss “evolution” around like Frisbees when in fact they’re just pushing their agenda: Ever notice how  folks toss Evolution around like they know what 25 million years means? “We evolved to go fast to chase food, so you should buy my coffee beverage and barefoot shoes.”  Uh…., what?!

Ok, ok! Thank you for reading this far, I sure hope we are still friends! Because the WHY of my biz is to help people live their best lives given my skillset (and in spite of the above); to help clients smell good, sell fragrance, enjoy art, and maybe be more vulnerable and compassionate so we can get through this gig with honest intention, together. I hope the rebrand represents that! You can let me know, I’ll launch it as soon as those lids and labels get here!

Win

p.s. My biz pillars are: Transparency + Extreme Closeups; Honesty+Best Practices; Vintage + Modern; and Authentic Island Life. I hope you’re into it! But if not, I understand, and also encourage you to keep close to your own principles, even if they’re not the same as mine. I love you! Win