Fear, the Gift That Keeps on Giving
I just spent the morning grinding on a bunch of websites and paid platforms that are supposed to drive sales of my product off the charts and realized that FEAR was my constant companion.
I get scared easily, here’s today’s rando list of self-centered fears:
- I’m afraid the internet is going to ruin my life. It won’t generate enough sales of a product I started as a hobby and was happy when I sold five bottles a week. Now I am supposed to SCALE my business with cellophane boxes and 3rd-party integrations. NO! …. so much pressure to engage A. I. photos and content to trick everyone into buying it, NO. OK, just decided NO, thanks, that’s a relief.
- If I don’t hear from someone after reaching out I have to be careful not to make stuff up about The Situation and act like it’s true. They are _____none of my business emotion________ and now I’m afraid they will go away forever.
- I’m afraid I like Yacht Rock on Spotify too much, Luther Vandross and Chris Cross, for corn sake.
I already told you I’m a recovered alcoholic (we do recover), which means we stare down our shortcomings SUPER hard to avoid relapse. Fear is my number one character defect – I’m not alone which is nice, uh, crucial. Ours are not normal-people fears because you guys don’t dive into a vat of Vodka just because it’s Monday again, or rainy or you run out of money. It’s self-centered anxiety, fueled by addiction, yo. The bottom line for brains like ours: If we’re scared it gets a drink (or sugar, or shopping for stoneware. Not sex though, meh). My addiction thinks it’s going to get ALL THE BOOZE then go on living without me forever. Try that on for a day.
We have to have a Higher Power, mine is the REAL Jesus in the Bible, not the one whose followers hate ___insert whatever_____. It’s part allegory, right? It talks about when capital A Angels come, the first thing they always say is “Don’t be afraid!”…all waving their big wings, making wind for effect. They have big celestial-being business to accomplish so they want us to stop freaking out, which seriously cracks me up. BTW Angels are Aliens and they’re trending on the internet right now so I must be right.
It also says in The Message*, 1 John 4:18: “There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life – fear of death, fear of judgment – is one not yet fully formed in love.” Most old school bibles say it like this: “Perfect love casts out fear, for fear has to do with punishment.” and if God is love (He is) this shows an impressive amount of agency. Like, CASTING and BANISHING fear, buh bye. God knows we want to be “fully formed” in Love, wow, upload that into A.I. metrics. SIDETALK: I honestly don’t get how anyone can think the bible is bogus when it says amazing stuff like that. MIND – OPEN IT – WALK IN.
In every case isn’t our underlying Fear the Fear that God (Buddha, Hindu dudes, whomEVER) has abandoned us? That we are ALONE? By not fulfilling a self-centered desire, which at any given moment may be sincere or good or noble or excellent and praiseworthy, aren’t we just too vulnerable to imagine? And isn’t it a healthy desire to want a good relationship with your children (not right now, be patient, Win, you have to wait) or to live an upright life (woops, lied a little) or to help others? I told Steve that self-centered anxiety is my biggest character defect, and he said “Isn’t every anxiety self-centered?” (Blink.).
I constantly ask God to remove my fear – a mantra that includes serenity and courage, just sayin’ – and apologize for trying to naively run the universe. I ask him to forgive me for trying to muscle his Royal Highness out. For me, to ask for forgiveness is one tiny side step away from the shame I’ve already relinquished. One time I was praying, telling God “I’m sorry for being so scared! I know it’s because I want complete control of everything everywhere all the time and that’s your job but I don’t trust you, you’re a little inaccessible!” Almost audibly, HE said “It’s fine, Win, I got you, you’re only human.” Followed by “BTW, little sister, where were you when I hung the stars?” (cry -laugh emoji).
Fear – We are RIGHT! Vulnerable, finite, made of water and some mucus-y bits + calcium. We are right to be scared off our toenails. We can die from the sting of a tiny bug. We rocket around on the ground and in the sky encased in metal and bump into things, but think we are entitled to life at all costs through a well-funded healthcare system. We get infected and broken and inevitably perish.
But I guess the old axiom applies: “Do you want to be happy or right?” I want to be happy AND I’m not entitled to it, so I’ll just take it where it comes, gratefully. We all want World Peace, right? But who’s going to do the dishes? I’ve decided that to be happy (oh, I AM RIGHT), it’s better to do a lot of dishes and leave the rest to The One.
That’s the journey today, friends, no big finale. I honestly care about you and hope these posts are uplifting and generate connection.
The news around here: New website! I have two now (but have to get my Google Merchant account sorted before one of them goes away). New: www.shoptheboathouse.com, feedback please?
New roll-ons rolling out April 16th, the day after Tax Day, best day of the year second only to January 2nd!
New solid-perfumes coming after I approve the sample of the little brass case!
Until then, your comments are most welcomed, thank you for buying my stuff and loving me anyway.
*The Message is the bible by Eugene Peterson who translated it from the original Greek and Hebrew in order to create a contemporary version in English and capture the essence and meaning in a modern vernacular. HE took some heat for that!
This post has 14 comments
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Pauline Powell
24 Mar 2024Love you Win! Yes to above!
Kathy Peters
25 Mar 2024Hi Po! I love Boathouse perfume and will come visit you both someday. Just put on my “Woke up one day as if changed”. Kathy
Doris
24 Mar 2024Love you, Win!
Winnie Brumsickle
24 Mar 2024So nice to see you, ♥️
Rose Andrea
24 Mar 2024I hear you, Winnie. I have always admired you. Thanks for sharing.
Winnie Brumsickle
24 Mar 2024Thank you!
Kristen Wahlman
24 Mar 2024God bless Winnie we’re in this world together, can’t wait for the one to come!!
Miss you!
Winnie Brumsickle
24 Mar 2024♥️ you too, K!
Penelope Torkington
25 Mar 2024Thinking of you with my love and support if you should need anything. Thanks so much for coming over to spread your love and smile with us in February. I hear what you are saying and find it so refreshing that you would share yourself with all of us. God Bless God. Take care, keep sharing, what you have to say, your words are valuable, and we all need to support one another. Much love, Pen
Winnie Brumsickle
25 Mar 2024God bless God, that’s my new mantra, Pen! Love you!
Kathy Peters
25 Mar 2024Love this and your perfumes. 4 years sober on March 15.
Winnie Brumsickle
25 Mar 2024Yaaaaassss! You have my number and CONGRATS! It’s a better life!
Greg J Lund
25 Mar 2024Great words, Winnie! I can relate. It takes my heart longer to trust what my head already knows. But He’s patient with me. Thank you for putting it into words.
Inga Gabriel
25 Mar 2024Beautiful Words…beautiful you.