Old School About Gifts and Doormen
(A pause before CATASTROPHE Part II… Is it politically incorrect to say DoorMEN? Your comments at the end most welcomed!)
I’m old school about gift giving. When I shop for gifts I feel like a blue-haired lady on her way out to accomplish something monumental. It goes down like this:
Today’s the day a few friends and I have set aside to shop for grad or birthday or Christmas gifts and I guess pick up some pantyhose at Frederick & Nelson in Seattle. Not the Bellevue store, it’s too new and they don’t understand Ladies on a Mission. The downtown doorman at Fred & Nelly greets us by name at the curb in our gloves, hats, and bags that match our shoes. We scurry in a group. The car goes away – uh, we didn’t drive it. After such a long-haul over the bridge, we’re famished…time for lunch! We head to The Tea Room (no Paul Bunyan Room today!) to eat little sandwiches with the crusts cut off plus a bonanza of Jell-O salad, little cafe cups of coffee, and amber glasses of water. WELL THAT’S BETTER, let’s find the darlings a F&N white teddy bear and Frangos.
FLASH FORWARD: It’s Christmas or a birthday and truly – not exaggerating – I still like to think over what would be nice for the kids, nieces, nephews, what they might like and can I make them a — and wouldn’t that be cute if —. I want to give them something special or make them something they’ll like. But I’ve given up because they never seem to care, I get wind that they didn’t like it ~toss off the gloves, that feels terrible. Even if they didn’t like the gift, I still want them to make a big deal about it! you know, PUT IT OUT ON THE COFFEE TABLE when I come over to visit and eat our sandwiches with the crusts cut off. One year at Easter I made my daughter and niece little purple jumper dresses with appliqué tulips on the front, they’d be cute in a photo! which officially launched my career as That Aunt. How did all this goodwill around gifts turn me into “The Aunt Who Sews Creepy Jumpers”!?!
Generally everyone I give to already has everything and storage tubs of more. With the advent of Gift Cards available now at RiteAid, well, no excuse not to get it right. We each draw names at Christmas, the idea is to be practical, I get it! It feels like we’re supposed to pull out the stops, we only have to buy one (translation: EXPENSIVE and ACCURATE). Everyone is trying very hard. The gift needs to be relevant, something to flop me over to being the Cool Aunt. So (I’m going to get in trouble with the fam now), the moms call and ask the question that causes this Easter Jumper Aunt to cringe way down into my light-blue, patent leather pocket book, knowing full well I might as well cave and ask it as well: “What does -so-and-so-of-your-kids want for Christmas/Birthday/Grad?”. Sigh, does it have to be what they want? Can’t it be sentimental?
I usually rebel and get them whatever I da–m well please… but am coming around. One of the ways I work the switch now that the kids and their cousins are older is to get them luxury items to commemorate milestones, for example Chanel products or iconic leather goods, things they’d (hopefully) NEVER buy for themselves, something MEMORABLE even if they never use it, something they’ll Google the price for and be surprised about, wow. On lesser occasions, I either give nothing, or shop intentionally for what I think is wonderful, like local artworks or perhaps something that I made. My mom was ultra-pro at gift giving (pearl earrings and leather passport covers, ET CETERA), and you know what? I never, EVER truly appreciated them until after she died. I love that, frankly, and have decided to emulate her. OK, well, I only just started that luxury brands bit in earnest last year.
If I weren’t so interminably old-school maybe I’d answer that seasonal question like this: “Thank you so much for asking! but they want exactly what you give them. I’ve raised them to be utterly gracious and grateful about whatever goofy jumper or resin sculpture you choose with them in mind! They’ll put your gift out on the coffee table year round, not just at your crustless sandwich visit. They know that you put special love and care into selecting/making it. You’re just TOO KIND to worry about what they want! Enjoy your shopping trip and say hey to the doorman.”
Man, I mean BOY, am I in trouble.
BTW if you need a GIFT there are a few bottles of PERFUME (click) still available on SALE before the rebrand. Or you can REALLY pull out the stops and get them a PAINTING! (click)
This post has 11 comments
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Mary Beth
25 Apr 2020I feel EVERYTHING you’re saying here!! (Well, except the F&N experience. …..but I get it!)
I love to give. Think about the person. Give something that “costs”—in time, effort or money. But no, that is not what they want. I,too, went the gift card route. But Even then, found out the recipient never used them. They sold them on some online site. (Are you kidding me?)
So now, no more gifts.
I buy myself stuff.
It’s not as much fun, but at least the effort isn’t wasted.
Winnie
25 Apr 2020..plus there are always gifts for good friends, I often forget about their birthdays but have decided to turn over a new leaf! Thanks for the comment, Mary Beth, hope you come back to FH let’s have some coffee in cafe cups! It was a pleasure to meet you. 😉 Hope the map biz is rolling!
Mary Beth
25 Apr 2020Excellent point!
Yes . . . hope there is a coffee in our future. We will miss the island this season (summer?). It’s hard to stay away.
Mary P
25 Apr 2020Stellar writing, dear! Thank you! And lovely memories of F&N. I have an old photo of my great grandmother and my grandmother standing in front of F&N in the 30’s…lace-up (modest) heels, fur stoles and pince nez…the whole shebang. Probably headed straight for Paul Bunyan room. Last month, I ordered undies online from Macy’s, and when they “suggested” an $11 box of Frangos at check-out, did I click yes? OMG YES.
Winnie
25 Apr 2020Frangos and you, greatest combo evah! Hugs all around, Mary!
Maude
25 Apr 2020I LOVE this post. my sentiments EXACTLY! One should never feel bad for gifting from the heart. My favorite things in my home speak to me of the giver, as opposed to gifts that have been folded into my relative “wealth”.
Winnie
25 Apr 2020Agreed! There may be some crustless sandwiches in our future, Maude!
Sharon Hooper
25 Apr 2020Winnie — your theme, how you write, what you inspire in me…Well done!! Thank you for always coming up with the coolest words, phrased in such a way to challenge AND motivate me. Proud to be your fan, Sharon
Winnie
25 Apr 2020Sharon thank you, a stout compliment coming from you, my esteemed mentor. I love you! 😉
Shannon
25 Apr 2020OMG. Great post, Ms. Boathouse Mercantile! In Spokane, it was The Crescent, which was F&N name for their store there. The Apple Tree Room was on the roof, and when I was 12 onward, I took my grandmother to “get her hair done” – a fluffy little snow-white do – and then go have lunch (little cucumber sandwiches)! We did have such fun. I miss her!
Winnie
25 Apr 2020Kinda want a cucumber sandwich now… 😉