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RE-POST, MOTHER’S DAY 2013.                                                                                            Photo credit Cere Demuth

THIS DREAM CAME TRUE NO JOKE! (Thank you, darlings):

“I have a little trick I like to play starting a couple days before Mother’s Day.  I drop a few stealthy comments around the house, like “Did I ever tell you what I want on my tombstone?”. Which reminds me of the Mother’s Day that we all forgot back in 1981. Mom’s comment?  “Do yourself a favor and buy me some g– d-mn flowers.”

Mother’s day is so stressful for the kids! All day they look pensively at me, weak smiles and little kisses as they attempt to gauge the importance that I’ve placed on recognizing my bottomless pit of sacrifices made on their behalf. I remember the torture of my mom’s push-me-pull-you attitude about it, alternating between “Oh it’s just something Hallmark made up to sell cards! Quit it with the flowers and gifts and chores!!”, and “AFTER ALL I’VE DONE FOR YOU?! All you could muster up is this lousy paper-mache’ effigy in my likeness?!” Very confusing for little people.

So, I thought I’d map my plan for a perfect Mother’s Day, and I am absolutely serious (let’s see which of them read the blog): First, my perfect MD is in the future, let’s say three years. Everyone comes home from college. They do their laundry and eat a bunch of stuff and leave messes. They wash their cars and ask me if I want mine washed too and I say, “Sure! You never have to ask to do THAT!” Then they visit their friends. Their friends come over and I hug them and they eat whatever’s on the counter. Everyone goes about their day with calls and screen-times or whatever, and we start to get hungry. One of them says, “Hey Mom, where do you want to go for dinner on this fine Mother’s Day?” to which I reply, “Oh, sweetie, anywhere, really, where do you guys want to go?” at which point they bicker (only a little, for old-time’s sake), and then choose Haley’s. We SIT AND TALK AND EAT for close to an hour. We have dessert. We leave. I’m happy, they’re enjoying the accomplishment. Seriously, I’m HAPPY.

Of course I recommend that YOURS buy you a Momentum Handbag for Mother’s Day, after all you’ve done for them! Think of it, you get in and out of your handbag satchel leather purse (key-word stuffing) over 1400 times a year! You deserve a gift for corn sake! Otherwise, enjoy your dinner, see you at Haley’s…”